Reflecting

I spent the weekend in Colorado with my best friend Amanda, who recently moved there. It was absolutely beautiful. Perfect weather, gorgeous mountains, and a day spent at Garden of the Gods which was absolutely breathtaking.

Sunday we decided to venture to the Columbine memorial in Clement Park. It was something I really wanted to do, strangely enough. I have no real connection to the event or anyone involved in it, but I almost feel like I do. Perhaps it's the fact that I was a freshman in high school at the time, so the kids who died were my age. Perhaps it's the fact that I'm a Christian, and some of the kids who died were killed because of it. Perhaps it's because I had the opportunity to hear Rachel Scott's father speak on a few occasion, and was so moved that I wanted to pay my respects to not only his daughter but the others who died. I'm not really sure, but in any case, I wanted to go.

The memorial is beautiful. It's nestled in the back corner of Clement Park, a quiet spot surrounded by flowers and trees. There's a fountain on one side, and the two rings. The inner ring was a place for the thirteen families to write something honoring their loved one who died. Reading those memories, the things they chose to immortalize about their children, siblings, parents was heartbreaking. I was in tears at the first one, and could not stop them until we had left the memorial entirely. It struck me how if these teens had survived, we'd be about the same age now. They would have gone to college, joined the military, gotten married, had careers, had kids... but no. Their lives were ended in a totally senseless act of violence through no fault of their own. Some of the families included what their child/sibling wanted to be when they grew up. Those were tough to read... dreams that will forever be unfulfilled.

The other thing that struck me was what was written for Rachel Scott, Cassie Bernall, and Lauren Townsend. All three girls had had premonitions that they understood as God telling them they would be leaving this earth to join Him soon. The fact that God was already working in their hearts was so amazing to me. And even in their deaths, God is using them to strengthen the faith of others, myself included.

The outer ring was heartbreaking as well. There were quotes from students regarding the shooting and the aftermath that just broke me.

Finally, we drove around the corner to Columbine High School. I recognized it right away. It was strange to see it so peaceful and quiet on a Sunday afternoon when in my mind's eye, I remember the news reports, the police cars, the kids running out, the SWAT team... just a bizarre feeling.

It brought back the memories I have from that day in 1999. Nobody expected something like that to happen in a place like that... a sleepy suburb, in a residential area surrounded by a park, some houses, and a view of the Rockies. Exactly the type of high school I went to. Could it happen to us? It was scary, the fact that people around my age could kill others in cold blood.

It also brought back memories of 9/11, which was the other defining "event" that happened during high school (Not counting our classmates who died senior year, which is another story entirely). Again, it was downright frightening, that terrorists could take American lives and destroy buildings on American soil. The world was at war, and if they could hijack several planes, what else are they capable of?

It's hard to even hope that Jack will never have to deal with stuff like that. It seems like a pipe dream, but a mom can dream, right? For now, that's pretty much all I can do: hope and pray that my son will see a better world.